Dear Fiji,STOP HOGGING ALL THE COUPS!
This is the second coup you've had while we've
still had the same national leader. I think if anyone is entitled to some rapid regime change this week, it's us.
Now, everybody, put down your guns and put on your grass skirts and drink pina coladas out of coconuts. Stop pretending you're Pakistan, Cuba or Libya.
P.S. - Can you please send me some kava? Cheers.
So... Ellie's LJ was deleted? What's the go? Poor Ellie! And curse that vile combination of full-time study and part-time work! It's ruined many a chance at living online to the detriment of "real life".
In other news... (I really only wanted to ask where the matriarch of this community has gotten to, but while I'm here...): "Chicken kickers". I work at Abomino's, you see. Last year I worked there a lot, and tended to eat the leftover pizzas because I was ravenous after being there over two of my three meals, for instance. The problem with this, aside from the fact that I put on weight, is that I'm lactose intolerant, and the cheese punished me. Punished me good and proper.( Beware the ides of free food.Collapse )
So, Ellie, wherever you are. This below-average complaint at food processing companies who wantonly add lactose, with no consideration for the havoc it plays with my digestive system, has been for you. Three cheers for Ellie, the master of this domain! :D
Dear Psycho Cyber Stalker--
i've dealt with you since march, and believe me, this dance is getting old. you don't get the point, do you? i have NOTHING to do with your insane, melodramatic, twisted, unstable, deranged little LOVE PENTAGON! just because i went to school with the girl that your boyfriend was dating when you decided you wanted to date him DOES NOT imply that she and i were "homegirls!" we didn't hang out on the weekends, we didn't talk for hours on the phone dishing the lastest dirt on all the dirty skanks around town. it wasn't until after i found your confused and ignorant profile popping up 10-15 times a day on my tracker that I reached out to HER! let me put it this way: i already KNEW that you were stalking not only her, but my best friend as well! i remember seeing a message in my best friend's inbox subjected: "OMG K...'s looked at my page 3 times today already!" so i already knew your name, jackass! i never thought you'd be stalking me as well! so imagine my surprise when your ugly mug popped up onto my screen the very next day with 8 views? yeah. and then you turned around and called me a bitch! you started copying my profile layouts *juvenile, but whatever* copying my stylings of writing, even copying my words, quotes ideas, goals and anything else you could get your fat little fingers on. and then you turned around and said i was the one copying you! have i mentioned that your actions reflect that of an intimacy stalker with narcissistic personality disorder and hedonistic tendencies? and now, as i've learned that you must always do, you're backtracking all the things that you have stolen from me and covered it up with a pretty excuse: "no one is original" no shit, bitch, especially if they share your morals.
let's just face it: you are intimidated by me because we have much in common... but whatever we share in commonality i surpass you in quality... like,
-i'm brown... so are you.
-i'm older... you're... still a teenager.
-i've got that "good" hair... you... have relaxed naps.
-i've been singing since i was 3, i've performed for over 5000 people, i was accepted into a premier music school... you still need major vocal training for your mediocre talent.
-i've supported myself since i was 16... you still live in mommy and daddy's pocket
-the man i'm dating isn't a dirty cheating whoremonger, and i don't have to worry about the people he brings in his life. i know he doesn't cheat on me, and uh, oh yeah, we're getting married in two months... you... well, your man was cheating on his girlfriend with you for 3 or 4 months. you found out about it, but continued to see him while he was cheating, until she found out about it and dumped him. he's still being deceitful to you but you have the audacity to claim that your relationship is "ordained" by God... oh and let's not mention how he's put off marrying you for at least 5 years. yeah, i can't wait for 5 years to pass and see just how much closer to marrying him you are...
look, all i'm saying is: don't be bitter because i handle my life with more maturity, dexterity and logic than you could ever fathom in that little 18 *oh, i mean 19, as if that makes a difference* year old head of yours. i've been through more than you could ever imagine in my life, and i've been farther than you will have ever gone by the time you reach my age. and one more thing, just because you were a bed-hopper in high school does NOT mean you are mature... it means you are a whore.
Can you please stop sending the goo demons down my back? Its getting kind of gross now.
Scabs I can deal with, but clear goo? COME ON.
I know you're all like "I'm heeeeealing! Leave me alone. *goo ooze*" But stoppit.
This is IT. We are no longer living in peaceful coexistance. I. Declare. War.
I have already filled 9 shopping bags with casualties and disposed of them. Don't think I will stop now because of the temporary cease-fire. I am bringing in back up forces. You will be annhialated.
Your itching powder attacks have not worked. Yes, they make me feel disgusting, but, I WAVE MY THRUSTY VACUUM OF DOOM IN YOUR GENERAL DIRECTION.
I will not back down until you are sparkling. Take THAT garbage monster. I've had enough.
See you in 15 minutes.
Dear Virus, STOP EATING MY BOYFRIEND.
Seriously, I would like some time with him too.
Dear Arrogant Git Who I Met Last Night,
Why did you call me emo? Was it because I was wearing black? Because if that's the case, then you're a dickhead because you
were wearing black as well. As most people would, I had had enough of your antics, so I decided to be a total bitch to you, because I felt you deserved it. After calling me an emo, not to my face though, you had the nerve to ask immaturely "how are you?" to which I replied "why the hell do you care?". My newly aquired friend Nathalie then catapulted a flying rude fingered gesture at you, and then we left. The rest of the night Nathalie and I figured out awesome ways to kill you and remove your internal organs, and sell them on the black market.
I really dislike you jock straps that can't hold a sentence that has more than ten words. If you were trying to be a charming fellow, it really didn't come off that way. When I first saw you I think I said to myself "I wish the world were flat, so you'd fall right off the edge". Not only are you ignorant and self obsessed, you're also a complete tool.
When I first encountered your stupidity you made crude gestures and noise at me, to which I turned my back on, and walked off. I don't feel so thoroughly annoyed that I'd rant about it for the rest of my life, and I don't think you deserve a written complaint either, but for the benefit of humanity, I'm warning everyone I know who owns a brain to stay away from you because I think if they tried to communicate with you, they'd die a little inside.
Thank-you for ruining a perfectly good evening with your idiocy.
From the girl in the black and white dress who shut you down.
Dear Anally Retentive, Mentally Retardent 232 Bus Driver,
It seems the only time that I miss your bus is when you're too early. This happened today. I'd like to firsty say something abruptly rude just to get it out of my system- you are a fucking faggot, and I hope that bus drove off of the story birdge. You wanker! How dare you come early, then not let me on your damn bus! I don't give a shit whether you were running to scheldule or not- you're a fuckwit and one day you will think to yourself; I'm a cruel and intolerable idiot.
So, why did you not let me get on? I noticed you made some crude gesture to around the corner, did you expect me to chase after you like a rabid dog for it's dinner? That's a little bit too expecting of your paying patrons. Why couldn't you just open the doors? It wasn't like it was going to hurt you or anything, I just wanted to go home! But I suppose that was too much to ask from a fucking grungy old child molesterer bus driver whose face looks as attractive as a grimy old dish cloth.
Thank you for your time, and if you don't let me on your bus again I will kick your windsheild in, fuck face!
Okay, as much as I hate the word "etiquette", I'm making an exception in this case.
Dear Annoying Pentecostals,
Yes, I know I go to your Uni and it serves me right. I have to put up with your "praying in tongues" during chapel or any other time. Then there's the mutters of "Mmm! Amen! That's good! I agree! Jesus! Hallelujah!" whenever you agree with the guest speaker in chapel. I don't know why you need to be validated by the group that you agree with the speaker, sounding more like you're having phone sex with her than anything else, but really that's your perogative. No harm done.
But I draw the line at the library books. ( 'Yammer yammer yammer, what I think is very important and you all want to know about it.'Collapse )
If you want to agree with something, or bitch and whine about how wrong it is, do what we do and use a blog. ;)
Dear Micheal Moore,
Your an arse.
The girl in Australia (yes Australia, this country is REAL, its not a figmenst of your little American Brain.) reading your book.